Introverts & CBT

The past few years has taught me a few things that I am extremely grateful for, without which I think I would be mindlessly reliving the same type of things over and over. In fact that is most likely what had been happening to me many years before my breakdown. You see, I never knew …

Update

I thought I would post an update today about where things are with me at the moment as I've not posted much recently. As you may know from my previous posts, I did a 16 week high intensity CBT course to target my social anxiety and finished this at the end of June 2017. After …

Commitment issues

I’m sat here looking at the keyboard wondering what to write. It’s been a while and a lot seems to have happened but somehow I’ve not found the energy to blog about it. The most predominant issue has been to do with my upcoming marriage to my fiancé but also the ongoing battle with my …

Getting to know you

With CBT I'm often asked to record a thought diary and more recently I'm starting behavioural experiments. I was at work one day and we were all to meet for lunch in the meeting room as we'd recently recruited new staff so it was a "Getting to know you" type of get together. Buffet food …

Rumination

I was at the Carphone Warehouse in Currys upgrading my phone when a man entered my personal space and I was momentarily perplexed until I recognised the man as a doctor from work. He began talking to me and we chatted for a minute or two until he went his own way. I think when …

Depressed Addict

There is something quite liberating about depression, who would have thought it? I no longer care about what anyone thinks of me, fuck them all. Words that I would usually soften or lies I would tell to avoid hurting your feelings is no longer a worry, I say what I mean and you just have …

Dead Eyes

Look in to my eyes There’s no-one there Not looking back Glazed, dead eyes No hint of acknowledgement Not even a twitch I turn and walk away Closed off from everything and everyone Leave me alone.

The Past

With everything that’s going on with my anxiety recently it has brought to light certain things. May be things I’d buried or rather not think of because of the sadness they cause me. I’m often questioned about my anxiety, everyone wants to know why. Why are you anxious? What brought it on? And to be …

Weak

(Transferred from Wattpad. Written 10th January 2017) I'm trapped in a body that I can't control. It becomes weak and lethargic. I have plans but I am unable to establish them. My mind has great power over my limbs. I am a slave to their being. I can see what I desire but it feels …

Boring

(Transferred from Wattpad. Written: 10th January 2017) You were talking to us about how boring some people's girlfriends were that you knew, that you had lost patience with them as there were not able to maintain a conversation. At this point I started to feel odd as I felt that you were also criticising me …